Monday, January 4, 2010

Fun with spam emails

I get just as much junk email as everyone else, mostly to my hotmail account (which is why I rarely use that one anymore). Even though that's all I really get via hotmail, I keep that account open. Because to me, spam emails are a lot of fun. I try to write back to the really good ones. Occasionally, they respond to my reply, and then it's just a matter of how long I can string them along before they give up on me. Or until I get their ssn and bank account info. No luck on that. Yet.

Subject: accountant request
Date: Tue, 1 Dec 2009 00:11:52 +0100

Dear friend,

My name is Mr. John Gelsthorp. I am the accountant of the FinBank Plc Victoria Island Lagos. I am married with two kids.

I am writing to solicit your assistance in the noble transfer of US$3,800,000.00 (Three Million, Eight Hundred Thousand US Dollars). This fund is the excess of what my branch in which I am the accountant made as profit last year. I have already submitted an approved end year report for 2008 and also submitted report of first quarter of this year 2009 to my Head Office here in Lagos and they will never know of this Excess. I have placed this fund on a SUSPENCE ACCOUNT without a beneficiary.

As an officer of the bank, I cannot be directly connected to this money thus I am impelled to request for your assistance to receive this money into your bank account. I intend to part with 30% of this fund to you while 70% shall be for me. I do need to stress that there are practically no risk involved in this. It is going to be a bank-to-bank transfer to your nominated bank account anywhere you feel safe. All I need from you is to stand as the original depositor of this fund.

If you accept this offer, I will appreciate your timely response.

Best regards,

Mr. John Gelsthorp


Dear John Gelsthorp,

No offense, sir, but if you have an excess of $3.8MM that you are trying to cover up, you must be a piss-poor accountant. Seriously, where did you get your accounting degree? From a school advertised on a pack of matches? I suggest you update your resume and start looking for work. Preferably not for something that handles money. I doubt you'd even have success as a McDonald's register clerk. "Oh, excuse me, Mr Manager, my drawer is over by $150,000 tonight!" Nice as it sounds, that's the kind of problem that corporate would frown upon.

Anyway, good luck with that.


  1. ROFLMFAO!!!! How is it my mind never thought of this....

  2. This poor guy was "impelled to request for your assistance" and this is how you treat him? You cold, heartless bastard.