Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Fun with spam emails

Haven't been hearing back from any of these folks lately. Can't figure out why.

From: m.leroy@webmail.co.za
Subject: RE: Compensation

Hello friend,

I'm happy to inform you about our success in getting the funds transferred under the cooperation and supervision of a new partner from South Africa. Presently, we are in Africa to supervise and monitor investing in aforementioned projects knowing fully well that the FIFA World Cup is around the corner.

Anyways, I didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist my firm in the deployment of the funds into your account, regardless our hassles to succeed, been that you have once participated in the project and played a major, I cannot just leave you behind now that I fortune has smiled on me. To this regards, I personally decided to compensate you for your interest, efforts and co-operation in the past.

I would advice you contact my associate, Charles Barbour who is also in Africa to this mail. Your are to request to be sent you the total of ($3,000.000 USD) Three Million United States Dollars Only since obviously, you don’t transact in pounds sterling in your country. My Boss is a man of his words hence my emailing you to keep the pact we made with you in the past. I sincerely do appreciate all your efforts in the past and feel free and get in touch with my associate and direct him where to send your benefits to you. Do not forget to let us know immediately you receive it so I know all is well. At the moment, our schedule is tight for reasons mentioned above and finally, be informed that I had forwarded instructions to my associate on your behalf, so waste no time!

Mary Leroy


To: mleroy@rediffmail.com
Subject: RE: Compensation

Kind of surprised to hear from you, I must admit. This isn't a trick, is it? Don't get me wrong, if you REALLY are trying to compensate me for past efforts I gladly accept. But if I remember correctly you weren't really too pleased with my, um "efforts." I mean, aside form a little data entry I think my only real activity in the office was getting coked out of my mind at the holiday party and banging your daughter on your desk (although I suppose that DOES qualify me as playing a major role! LOL). And again, I can't apologize enough for getting our... mess... on your framed diplomas. It's kind of funny now, I guess, but it sure was embarrassing at the time.

Anyway, I suppose this is what they mean by Forgive and Forget. So if you really do want to offer some profit sharing I gladly accept.


PS- I hope this isn't a sore subject, but since she obviously didn't get the abortion, do you think you could ask your daughter (I apologize, but I forgot her name!) to return the $200 I gave her for that purpose? Realistically, with what you're sending me $200 is nothing, but it's more or less the principle of the thing.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Fun with spam emails IV

I really don't expect a response from this guy, but rest assured I'll post it if I get one:

Date: Mon, 24 May 2010 10:48:10 -0400
From: roger@framejet.com
Subject: I can send you $622.77 TONIGHT

Dear friend,

I would like to send you $622.77 tonight:


I am NOT crazy, I just made over $214,000 in the last two months...making money online is the way to go!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Thank you!


Go here if you want $622.77 sent to you tonight:

Date: Mon, 24 May 2010 3:45 PM
From: roger@framejet.com
Subject: RE: I can send you $622.77 TONIGHT

Fuck you, Chris. It's bad enough you literally took a shit on my couch when we were college roommates, but to keep taunting me, all these years later, through these thinly-disguised emails is just rude. Don't forget, it was in fact YOU who first promised to repay me the $622.77 that it cost to have the couch professionally cleaned. To not only never pay me back, but keep sending me these ridiculous emails just shows what a miserable lowlife prick you really are. If I had known this was the kind of "friend" you'd turn out to be, I would've never offered to come pick you up from that filthy dive in Tijuana. Just thank your lucky stars that the pictures we took of your unfortunate involvement in that donkey show never came out, or you'd have more internet fame than 2 Girls 1 Cup.

You're a dick. Grow up and stop having a laugh at my expense.


PS- I hope for your sake your diet has improved since ruining my couch. The cleaners told me that a normal human shit would've been a breeze to clean and only set me back $50.